Let’s See

One of the things I wanted to do is use this space to write letters to my sister, my mom, my dad, Melanie. Things that I should say usually, but that… just don’t come out, for whatever reason. Because they take up a lot of headspace, they weigh a lot, they’re hard to consider, they’re easy to gloss over in the day to day, it’s hard to really deeply consider your relationship to someone, and be able to tell them in a deeply meaningful way what they mean to you.

I have no specific ideas what I want to say to them either. But, they make me feel a feeling, and I guess I want them to know what they make me feel, and I want them to know that I appreciate them. I know that life is short and one day I’ll lose people I love (whether I go first or they do), and I know there’s never enough time to spend with the people you care about, you’ll have never told them enough how much you love them and in how many ways.

So I guess I want to make an effort towards that. Just kind of deepen a relationship, build a connection, let them know that I love them and always will.

I don’t know if I should come up with a format or something. That sounds like a smart, very project manager-y thing to do. Like, a recap of the relationship to date with some highlights, in terms of events… a discussion of what they’ve meant to me till today in my life… a discussion of how they make me feel or have made me felt… asking some questions, about how I can be a better partner to them (whether as a son or brother or future husband), about how they wish our relationship was different, whether in small or large ways… and then some statements of hope for what our future relationship will be like.

That sounds wonderful, actually. Where we came from, how they make me feel, making sure I listen to their perception of the relationship and what they feel and what they want out of me, and then stating what I hope we achieve together, in terms of our relationships.

Awesome! With that I’ll sign off 🙂 I have to get to this writing in the morning, at night I keep skimping and really ripping myself off. I mean, look, I just wrote for 5 minutes and came up with something I’m excited about. We’ll see what I can do going forward.

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